i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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