y did u give ur computer a hand job?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
