i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize