Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
