Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
