Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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