Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
