just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
4 words: hood of his car
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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