before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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