if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
