he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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