I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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