she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
