I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
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