Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
