if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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