well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
