tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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