dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
