So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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