he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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