Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We left the knife in your bed.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
