what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
