After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Can you repeat that, but with context?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize