Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
