Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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