Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
