Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
