what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
