Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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