my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
