So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
