well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i used baking grease as lip gloss
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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