I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize