I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
