we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
