so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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