"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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