dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
