You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
