How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I need water and some morals
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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