When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
