im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
