I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
