You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
