So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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