I queefed so loud it echoed.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
