What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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