Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
