I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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