Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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