You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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