Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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