I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize