No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
