i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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