I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
two words...techno handjob
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
