Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Swine flu. Run for my life!
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
