It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
