We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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