I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
