If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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