He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
