I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
