Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Pants are for mortals
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
