the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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