Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
