Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
