FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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