Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
