The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
