Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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