Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
