So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
