Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
