OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Soap is not a condiment
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
sarcasm needs its own font
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
